I’ll bet you are known among the majority of your friends and relatives as the “nice” guy or gal who never argues or loses their temper. You also are there for everyone and in fact, cannot remember the last time you said “no” to a request. I’ll also bet you pride yourself on this behavior and feel it is quite an attribute. You are “there” for whomever needs you, and are the consummate good hearted and reliable friend. Everyone seems to love you and life is good, but why do you experience more and more anxiety and often feelings of brain fog known as depersonalization?
I’ll tell you why.
Although it sounds wonderful, on paper, to be the “perfect” friend and relation, this is not always the ideal prescription for balanced emotional health. It is a natural part of human nature to sometimes feel angry, experience the anger through and express oneself in a healthy way when angry…and the world will still go on turning.
The mind-set of someone who is prone to anxiety and/or depersonalization, does not view the expression of anger as an “acceptable” behavior. Therefore, this person will go to all lengths to rein their anger in, resulting in physical and emotional manifestation of this very strong repressed emotion.
This person will bite their tongue, leave the room or even smile and agree before participating in a confrontation. Everyone thinks they are surely saints and they might even be well-loved, but deep down inside they are building an explosive mountain of repressed emotions.
Eventually, these emotions may manifest into backaches, headaches, anxiety or feelings of depersonalization. A generalized numbness or brain fog may replace emotions. Feelings seem to literally freeze as the emotion of anger is repressed. Holding back anger may create a strong sense of approval by those around you, but may also create a a stronger sense of self-hatred, if one is not careful. Pleasing everyone carries a high price-tag, because in the long run you are pleasing everyone but yourself.
The best time to express your anger is when you first experience it. The longer you wait, the less effective this strategy becomes. The longer you wait, the greater build-up of negative energy within, which eventually explodes or implodes into a physical or emotional reaction.
Managing Anger Effectively:
– Accept your anger. It is normal and healthy to experience anger.
– Express it while you experience the heat or as close to that time as possible. Expression of anger gone cold, while better than nothing, does not clear this energy in the same way.
– You are kidding yourself if you believe good people never get angry.
– Stick to issues rather than personalities when discussing angers.
– Understand that you will not lose your mind, go insane or implode by facing your anger.
– Address the anger as quickly as possible. The longer you wait, the less effective this becomes. This is a challenge but prevents manifestation of anxiety, dp and other symptoms of repressed emotions.
– Realize that expressing anger will not in any way annihilate a genuine relationship. Honesty will strengthen rather than sever a true bond between two people.
– Accept the fact that one can experience the heat of anger effectively without harming themselves or anyone else.
– Know that expression of true anger is exhilarating as it clears the air, one’s head and opens up a direct line of healthy communication.
– Grant yourself permission to be real with friends, co-workers and relatives. This is a much greater gift than holding back true feelings.
Learn to acknowledge, address and effectively live with the fact that there will be angers in your life, and you are able to respond to them without perishing. It is acceptable to say “no” and mean it, and to feel angry if the situation arises.
Anger is a natural reaction and part of the human condition. Life still goes on after you experience a healthy release of angry feelings. Raising one’s voice in the heat of the moment and saying what’s on your mind is also a natural part of life and can prevent the build up of negative energy. This in itself staves off unnecessary anxiety reactions.
Change your perception of anger, as part of the human condition and you change your life.
Experiencing anger does not indicate a crazy, out of control, or violent person. It signifies a human being with a full range of emotions, and the ability to acknowledge and express them fully, in a safe and healthy manner. Those who freeze one emotion or another will usually pay dearly for this choice. It is much healthier to allow your emotions to surface and deal with them in a swift and effective manner.